Far Beyond Driven

As a child my mother would tell me “Sometimes you have to go through hell if you want to get to heaven.” Back then I really didn’t understand what this meant. But now that I have been through my hell, I am starting to see the light at the end of my tunnel. Before seeking help for my problems, life was filled with pain and sadness; I was blind to the beauty that was around me. My anxiety and depression got to the point where I felt that the only way to get a grip on the life was to bury myself in the smoke, pills and booze.

Waking up in the morning was one of the saddest things that I had to do because I knew that the day held nothing positive for me. I would stay up for days without sleep because I did not want to face that feeling. After three-overdoses, I tried to take my own life. After waking up in the hospital and seeing the pain in my family’s eyes, I knew then that this needed to stop. I told myself right then and there that no more would I be the small one, the frightened one, running from life, afraid to really live and see what this world can hold for me.

It was here that I found out that I’m not alone in my struggles. With the help of the staff and community I can now see what my underlying problems are that were causing me to think and act in such a destructive way. I won’t lie, it is not easy and some days can be hard. But knowing that I have all the support of the community to fall back on makes me feel loved. It is really nice to walk around with my head held high and to finally be proud of how I am and who I am becoming. Now when I go to sleep, peace is in my heart and mind. A smile comes across my face when I thinking about what tomorrow holds. Life is not a task anymore, it is a gift!