Today I put up the Christmas Tree.
It stands a little off kilter this year without your help to get it right
But it stands strong and proud in the corner
Peacefully lighting up the night.
The decorations are all silver and white this year – simple and clean.
I almost put one red heart in the middle to remind me of you
But decided against it.
My own heart has all the reminders it needs.
This is our first Christmas without you here.
When I think of it, the sadness begins to well up again inside me.
But I’ve cried enough tears and worried through too many nights
To wish for it be any other way.
I will not let myself grieve for your absence.
This journey you are on is far too important – far too special
To let a sentimental holiday undo our resolve
Instead, I will celebrate your courage for staying one more day.
Each day I think of you.
The Mother in me won’t stop wondering if you are warm enough
Or whether you can see that brilliant full moon – or hear the wind howl
And each night, I still whisper “I love you”
My gift for you – if I could
Would be peace and comfort – knowing you are where you need to be
Grace in accepting this part of your journey and the will to keep going
A smile. A hug. And the twinkle back in your eyes.
Love, Mom xoxo